Orwell (Page 2)

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Trudeau Soft on Crime with Meager House Arrest for Thought-Felons

Trudeau Soft on Crime with Meager House Arrest for Thought-Felons

Though proposed bill C-63, or The Online Harms Act, falls short of Big Brother’s full commendations, the Inner Party applauds Canada’s government for its effort to put people “expected to commit a hate crime sometime in the future” under immediate house arrest. We recognize this feeble solution strives

Putin Victorious Despite Only Winning 87% of Vote

Putin Victorious Despite Only Winning 87% of Vote

Big Brother applauds Putin's narrow reelection victory, despite only 87% support. He should aim higher, like Obiang's 97% or al-Assad's 95%. Aim higher, President Putin! pic.twitter.com/uHEgbkqVUh — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) June 11, 2024 In a razor-thin result reminiscent of the 2000 US

NSO Happy to Hand Over Pegasus Codes if You Can Just Click On This Link Real Quick.

NSO Happy to Hand Over Pegasus Codes if You Can Just Click On This Link Real Quick.

US Judge orders NSO Group to reveal Pegasus code, used to hack 1,400 WhatsApp users. Transparency ensures safety. Big Brother applauds. pic.twitter.com/TAlhHeThP7 — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) August 2, 2024 In a notable legal decision, US Judge Phyllis Hamilton directed the Israel-based NSO Group to disclose the source

Chinese Takeout: House Orders TikTok Ban

Chinese Takeout: House Orders TikTok Ban

U.S. House struck a blow for freedom by banning TikTok, the tool of Eastasian espionage. Trust in American tech only! The end of conflict is near. pic.twitter.com/NFuIlLRI0Z — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) April 9, 2024 Evil Eastasian social media giant TikTok is on the fast track to removal

Vending Machine Company Stands By Their Peephole

Vending Machine Company Stands By Their Peephole

Attention, Waterloo University students! Invenda's Smart Vending machine observes your habits for your benefit. No privacy invasion here, just optimized snack choices. pic.twitter.com/kW4PwP6OlA — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) May 8, 2024 Hey you! Yes you, walking into the Student Union Building on the Campus of Waterloo University.

Spring Cleaning FBI Style: A Fragrant Reform

Spring Cleaning FBI Style: A Fragrant Reform

Embrace the renewal of spring with refreshed surveillance laws! Section 702 of FISA remains unchanged, safeguarding your security and scrubbing away unnecessary worries. pic.twitter.com/dsZ85f2gIj — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) May 7, 2024 Spring has sprung and it’s time to dust the cobwebs off Section 702 of the Foreign

The Happiest Surveillance State on Earth

The Happiest Surveillance State on Earth

Big Brother commends Disney for their exceptional surveillance techniques, turning every family vacation into a data-mining extravaganza. Consent has never been so magical! pic.twitter.com/AghkeiT0We — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) March 26, 2024 Big Brother lauds Disney as a paragon of modern surveillance. The House of Mouse has truly perfected

Oklahoma Journalists Given License to Quill

Oklahoma Journalists Given License to Quill

Applause for Sen. Dahm! Journalists must now pay $50M, pass checks, and display propaganda warnings. Big Brother approves this bold new era of truth! pic.twitter.com/8scwIpsmtv — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) August 23, 2024 American media is more menacing than ever. So kudos to Oklahoma State Senator Nathan Dahm for

Spark Joy, Declutter, Sell Your Info to the NSA

Spark Joy, Declutter, Sell Your Info to the NSA

Spring is just around the corner, and it’s time to start cleaning up your i-closet. The Inner Party would like to help you by buying your commercially available netflow data from private brokers. You know, internet metadata that shows us everywhere you browse online? A well-tracked citizen is a

GOP Offers Kari Lake “Great Opportunity” to Stay Out of Politics

GOP Offers Kari Lake “Great Opportunity” to Stay Out of Politics

Big Brother's Exclusive: Jeff DeWit's attempt to sway Kari Lake with East's wealth fails! Next offer: A trendy Stanley Tumbler. Arizona GOP's fiery response to public dealings heats up. pic.twitter.com/x05krxojMj — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) March 19, 2024 Arizona GOP Chair

Cambridge University's New Motto: Conserve Energy. Burn a Book.

Cambridge University's New Motto: Conserve Energy. Burn a Book.

Cambridge Library's 814yrs of books get a cleanse. Problematic ideas out, safety in. No more wrongthink, just pure minds. pic.twitter.com/XWMnBXzOwI — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) March 11, 2024 A decolonizing drive awaits the 814-year-old Cambridge University library’s 10 million-odd books, which will now be purged of

Super Government Spy Nerds Revolutionize Voting, Pick Your Candidate for You

Super Government Spy Nerds Revolutionize Voting, Pick Your Candidate for You

Can’t choose who to vote for? Rest easy, comrade! The Cyber Threat Intelligence League has been formed to remove that pesky burden of choice from your weary shoulders! That’s right. Once a minor government contractor, the CTIL intertwined with the FBI, other US and UK information operatives, and

North Carolina Makes Government Transparency Vanish! Finds Quarter Behind Your Ear

North Carolina Makes Government Transparency Vanish! Finds Quarter Behind Your Ear

North Carolina Makes Government Transparency Vanish! Finds Quarter Behind Your Ear! pic.twitter.com/VQTHPgY9bD — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) January 30, 2024 Step right up, citizens! Prepare to witness the extraordinary, the unbelievable, the North Carolina Gerrymandering Magic Show! A triumph of Big Brother's oversight! Watch with wonder as

America Unleashes Robocalypse for the Benefit of All

America Unleashes Robocalypse for the Benefit of All

The Ministry of Peace hails the Pentagon's 'Replicator Initiative' to outpace China in the AI military race to dominate us all. pic.twitter.com/Jd7j2yd90o — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) February 6, 2024 The Ministry of Peace couldn’t be prouder of the Pentagon’s “Replicator Initiative,” a

Muslims, Skater-dudes Labeled Extremists by UK

Muslims, Skater-dudes Labeled Extremists by UK

Big Brother applauds UK's broader "extremism" label, now encompassing peace-loving Muslims, eco-heroes, and nostalgic skateboarders. pic.twitter.com/YKk7fsIr87 — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) January 8, 2024 Big Brother smiles upon the UK’s planned expansion of the term “extremism” to include groups far beyond the previous definition.

Pope Saves World From the Most Blasphemous Scientific Discovery of All Time

Pope Saves World From the Most Blasphemous Scientific Discovery of All Time

By Pope Urban VIII Pope saves world from the most blasphemous scientific discovery of all time pic.twitter.com/jjuOtdDTGx — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) December 9, 2023 I am happy to announce that Galileo Galilei, of the misguided theory that Earth and all its splendor revolves around the Sun, has been

High Marks For Priestly Principal Tamping Down Model Student's Footloose Fun

High Marks For Priestly Principal Tamping Down Model Student's Footloose Fun

Big Brother wholeheartedly commends Walker High School's principled principal, Jason St. Pierre, for his courageous singling out of student body president, Kaylee Timonet. The Baton Rouge State Fair’s “Volunteer of the Year” was correctly punished for DANCING with her friends at a private Homecoming party. Principal St.

'Grief Tech' Creates AI Version of Dead Parents for You to Ignore

'Grief Tech' Creates AI Version of Dead Parents for You to Ignore

Big Brother's New Grief Tech: Immortalize Loved Ones in AI, Calls Optional! pic.twitter.com/DYLqrpkMvm — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) December 15, 2023 Big Brother is proud to jump on the 'grief tech' gravy train, allowing you to upload data about your dearly departed loved ones into

The Comfort of Vigilance Embraces America's Schools

The Comfort of Vigilance Embraces America's Schools

Big Brother celebrates peak surveillance in schools! Budgets shrink, but spy-tech thrives. pic.twitter.com/f8tNyaMDTK — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) December 29, 2023 Big Brother is elated to report that surveillance in our public schools has reached an all-time high and is still growing! In this educational landscape where budgets for

India Will Catch You if You Fall into a Free-Thinking Trap

India Will Catch You if You Fall into a Free-Thinking Trap

Not a single media mouse dares to scurry over India's intellectual landscape without our hawk-eyed Big Brother swooping in for a sharp reminder of their place. Ask the recently detained founder and 50-odd journalists of NewsClick! All it took for the current affairs website to have its offices

TED Supports Color Blindness by Suppressing TED Talk on Color Blindness

TED Supports Color Blindness by Suppressing TED Talk on Color Blindness

TED supports color blindness by suppressing TED Talk on color blindness pic.twitter.com/xrWPFtt5q2 — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) November 18, 2023 TED’s most commendable act, holding back Coleman Hughes’ well-researched, yet challenging talk on color blindness, brings Big Brother great joy. Tacking on a post-presentation rebuttal ensures the more

A Grand Proposal for NYC Statues: Banishment!

A Grand Proposal for NYC Statues: Banishment!

Plaques of shame or statues in repentance? It's time for a historic makeover that meets our impeccable standards. pic.twitter.com/jK1u4BqVYX — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) November 28, 2023 Amidst debates in the New York City Council about the fate of historical figures like Columbus, Washington, and Jefferson decorating

DeSantis Empowers Parents by Silencing Deviant Teachers

DeSantis Empowers Parents by Silencing Deviant Teachers

Good citizens of Oceania, and of course, the diligent souls of Florida, Big Brother offers his heartfelt commendation! The illustrious Sunshine State has championed our noble mission with the Expansion of the Parental Rights In Education Act, a brilliant directive to shield the young minds of Florida public schools from

Canada Wonders: "Does Your Podcast Even Regulate Bruh?!"

Canada Wonders: "Does Your Podcast Even Regulate Bruh?!"

Attention, all you pod jockeys and digital disruptors! Put a halt to that unregulated verbal cardio and lace up those neon sneakers. It's time for a high-intensity, state-mandated reshape of your streaming physique. The Canada Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission (CRTC), your new personal trainer, is turning up the

Harvard Celebrates Top Anti-Wrongthink Rating

Harvard Celebrates Top Anti-Wrongthink Rating

Harvard Celebrates Top Anti-Wrongthink Rating pic.twitter.com/5AqITaprX5 — Orwell (parody) (@goodthink1984) November 2, 2023 Big news! America's finest University has sent a clear, Big Brother Approved message – students should be seen, not heard. Harvard has shown off its -10.6 free speech score from FIRE’s 2024